Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
