Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
