hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
