You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
