Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
