weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
