He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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