That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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