There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
