Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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