those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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