I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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