Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
