too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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