dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
