We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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