i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
