last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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