I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
not ubering you a puppy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
