apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
