history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
