Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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