your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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