The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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