i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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