youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
