I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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