You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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