Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
