He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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