Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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