sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
