Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
