At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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