Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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