? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
