The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
