come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
