guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
