bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
