apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
