Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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