so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
