five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
