Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
