i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
