After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
