are you still at the devil's house?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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