Got a toothbrush?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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