I accidentally had phone sex last night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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