I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
