We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
