My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
